Feeling Good vs Functioning Well
The next installment in my list of paradigm shifts is the difference between “feeling good” and “functioning well.” My favorite deep dive into this concept is in Corey Keyes book, Languishing (2024). I highly recommend checking it out. It was my favorite read of all of 2024.
To get to the core of this idea, we’ve got to go back to the ancient Greeks. Most of us have heard of the concept of hedonism – i.e. the pursuit of pleasure, or in this sense, the pursuit of feeling good. Hedonism has often been associated with debauchery (and since I brought up ancient Greece, picture any scene with Dionysus and company and you’ve got a good picture for Hedonism). Corey Keyes (2024) even makes a case that the pursuit of always feeling good can lead to languishing partly because it’s not possible to sustain a feeling such as happiness or pleasure for more than a little while. Additionally, to maintain the same highs we get initially, we need more stimulus to reach the same levels over time. There is nothing sustainable about the pursuit of feeling good.
Aristotle was interested in finding a broader scope for making meaning in life. He knew that it would be more than just feeling good, and he used the word “Eudaimonia” to describe the idea of a life well-lived. In our case, we’ll call it the pursuit of functioning well (Keyes, 2024). Hopefully feeling good happens within functioning well. However, the ultimate goal is not just to feel good because we also know that in the pursuit of growth, we often must experience difficult and uncomfortable things.
So, to recap, feeling good focuses on only doing things that we enjoy in the here and now whereas functioning well encompasses also doing the hard things that have long-term benefit.
When it comes to pillars of wellbeing, the idea of functioning well is easy to see. For example, doing a tough workout increases physical capacity even though that workout can cause strain and discomfort. Additionally, nutritious foods aren’t necessarily the tastiest foods. Yes, chocolate and ice cream taste fantastic, but without the nutrients available in more complex whole foods, your body will suffer. When it comes to physical health, it’s easy to see the merits of a eudaimonic mind frame.
In today’s pop-culture, however, I see a lot of mental health skills and resources marketed through the lens of feeling good – not functioning well. For instance, I’ve seen boundaries being taught as “you shouldn’t do anything you don’t want to do.” I’ve seen the pursuit of feeling good weaponized against younger generations as they get labeled as disinterested in doing anything that doesn’t serve them. I see “self-care” sold to us from the lens of reducing pain and discomfort. Let’s be honest, selling the idea of “feeling good” is a solid business strategy because as I mentioned earlier, feeling good doesn’t last and we always need more conveniences to try and find it. But is it really in our best interest to see mental health through a hedonistic mindset?
When I was in my darkest place, I had to spend time healing, and in some ways, this meant pursuing feeling good because I felt so broken. Keyes (2024) helped me see some of the nuances between needing to heal and the habits that move us into a place of flourishing. The way he explained it comes from the roots of positive psychology (which he is also a core member of). You see, we have a tendency to see happiness and sadness as two ends of the same continuum. Meaning that we believe that if we’re less sad then we must be more happy, right?
Wrong.
You can be less sad and still not be happy. Happiness and sadness actually exist on their own continuums. They are parallel to each other, but not the same. When I was going through therapy to heal my burnout and depression, I was doing the hard work of being less sad. This was helping me feel good again. However, once I was healed enough to be functional, I stopped therapy. This does not mean, however, that I was back to thriving. I needed to build different habits to begin moving the needle to happy. My first change was my mindset. I began asking myself, “what if my moments of pain and discomfort are exactly what I needed to find lasting satisfaction?”
Suddenly, my experience was no longer “trauma” but instead was a period of extreme growth. Instead of seeking only to feel good through healing, I was now able to see some of the benefits of the pain. For instance, that period of time gifted me with insights I could not receive any other way. My gratitude for those dark days has grown immensely as I see how it has changed me for the better. Putting on a eudaimonic frame has encouraged me to change how I view growth. It means that I didn’t grow despite my trials. I grew because of my trials.
In this process, I have gained a new appreciation for two ways to care for my mental health. First, in order to do the hard work of healing, I was required to go within myself. I needed to understand, listen, and care for my own specific needs as I had spent years ignoring them. It was important and necessary. Then, when I was ready to begin flourishing again, I turned outward once more. I began sharing, caring, and connecting with others again. Often, this is uncomfortable or even painful. It certainly isn’t convenient. However, the lasting satisfaction is far greater than simply pursuing feeling good by myself.
To truly care for our mental health and overall well-being, we need to be willing to pursue it from the eudaimonic mindset and be willing to be uncomfortable for the greater good. It’s not about avoiding pain and discomfort. It’s about learning how to cope, appreciate, and share what we learn within that pain. To be flourishing really means to be open to all the experiences that come your way. We don’t just accept those experiences as if we have no will, but instead we use them as an environment to determine where we are going next. The uncomfortable moments often hold the greatest value. We don’t need to actively seek them, but we also shouldn’t be actively avoiding them.
Thanks for reading with me today. I hope you find the joys of flourishing by taking some time to care for yourself and then share that care with others. These are truly the building blocks of a life well-lived.
References:
Keyes, C. L. M. (2024). Languishing: How to feel alive again in a world that wears you down. Crown.