Making Space & Time-Outs
The power of making space or taking a pause has been a theme that has emerged across my classes in the last couple of weeks. In my Well-being class this week, we’re focused on time-outs and the power of taking a break to recharge. In my Motivation class, we’ve talked about persuasion tactics and how one of the best ways to make sure you don’t get baited into a “click, run” response is to ask for time to think about it. In my Emotional Intelligence class on campus a couple of weekends ago, we learned a powerful exercise to stop an amygdala hijack from taking over your behaviors. All of these have been focused on the power of pause.
I used to think that the ultimate way to handle high stress situations was to find a way to stay in the conversation. To never step back and instead stick with it (or as my mom would say “bulldog it”) until you had solved the problem. I’ve learned lots of different tactics about getting the blood back to your brain during a heated moment. One, you could do math problems. Two, you could ask yourself “what do I really want?” over and over until you no longer respond like the reptilian version of yourself. What I didn’t realize, however, is that sometimes, this takes more time than you want it to and truly stepping back or taking a time-out can be the most productive thing you can do.
One of the cool things about time-outs is that they can be part of a daily discipline that restores your resource bank, AND they can be a tactic that is used as a coping mechanism during an acute stressful situation. Long-term, actually using your vacation time to reset and recharge is an obvious example. However, instead of only waiting for those two weeks of glory there are small daily things you can do as well. For instance, when you are done at work for the day, truly clock out. Don’t keep your phone or email with you. Use that time to recharge and reconnect with those who matter to you most. Our Well-being professor even recommends taking regular time-outs during the workday. Standing up and walking around for even just 5 mins every hour can do wonderful things for resetting and reconnecting your productivity. These kinds of small regular habits are ones that can add up quickly in terms of your resiliency stores and are a way to build regular peace into your schedule. However, just as life goes, we will get hit with unexpected high stress moments and knowing how to be prepared for those can also use the principle of a time-out.
In my Emotional Intelligence class, led by Laura Wilcox, we discussed a method she called S.O.S.S. (Wilcox, 2024). We learned that we have two different systems for thinking, but only one driver. You have the complex thinking brain, the neocortex, and the emotional feeling brain, the amygdala. The neocortex is the system you want to have driving your behaviors when you’re trying to solve a problem. However, if there is a perceived threat (even if the threat isn’t real), your amygdala can hijack the driver’s seat. When it does, your body goes into high alert mode (i.e. fight, flight, or freeze), cortisol will flood your neocortex, and your complex thinking capabilities decrease. If you are not able to reverse this amygdala hijack, you will not perform at your best – and indeed your behavior can become more irrational by degrees. So, how do we stop an amygdala hijack? We make some space between the trigger and the reaction. Wilcox (2024) taught us how to do this through her S.O.S.S. method:
S – Stop
Notice that you are in an amygdala hijack. What does it feel like for you? For instance, I feel a tightness in my chest or an ache in my jaw (probably from grinding my teeth).
Disengage from the trigger – do not keep feeding the feeling of being threatened as it can cause the amygdala to rev up even more.
Choose something that can help you reconnect your neocortex. Some examples are grounding techniques such as naming 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
O- Oxygenate
When an amygdala hijacks your system, you have adrenaline and cortisol flooding through you. To help decrease those levels, you need to add oxygen and to bring blood back to your brain.
A breathing strategy we learned in my Well-being class is 4-7-8 breathing. Breath in 4 counts, hold it for 7, and release it for 8 counts. The prolonged exhale has been proven most effective for resetting the parasympathetic nervous system.
If you know you’re about to walk into a high stress situation, you can prep yourself for success by oxygenating ahead of time.
S – Strengthen appreciation
Your brain cannot hold fear and gratitude at the same time. Switch your frame of mind by finding something you are grateful for.
Stress releases stress hormones, but gratitude releases the counter hormones of serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins. Give your body a physiological leg up by listing something you are grateful for.
Gratitude can also help you combat several biases you may hold including negativity bias towards yourself or the situation.
S – Seek Information
Stop yourself from jumping to judgement by asking yourself a question that helps you reframe your perspective. Some example questions are:
Will this matter in 6 years, 6 months, 6 weeks, 6 hours, 6 mins, or 6 seconds?
Is this real or a perceived threat?
What would an exceptional leader do?
Is this reaction helping or hurting the bigger picture?
What is my impact right now?
What might the other person’s good intentions be?
If you don’t believe they could have one, you need to go back into SOSS
Do they feel heard and/or understood by me?
The goal of S.O.S.S. is to help you understand your own emotions in a healthy enough way that you can then re-engage with the person or situation with additional perspective and curiosity. Learning the science behind what happens so quickly when I’m triggered has helped me to validate that those feelings are real and to also understand that they don’t have to be in control. What I’m also learning is that sometimes, to handle the hijack well, I need to take a true time-out. The key is to make sure it’s a time out like the ones that are called at the end of a sports game and not a time out that leads to running away from a problem. Taking a time-out to reset and strategize can be just the thing you need to lead to a winning play.
Thanks for reading with me today. I hope you make a little space for resetting and recharging today.
Reference: Wilcox, L. (2024) — Lecture: Emotional Intelligence for Impact, Personal Communications