Motivational Interviewing - A Beginning
In my motivation class, we’ve just finished reading Drive by Daniel Pink (2009) and Motivational Interviewing by William Miller and Stephen Rollnick (2023). Both books have begun shifting my approach on how to be a good helper. I’m learning that helping someone connect to their own internal motivation (not my motivation for them) and learning how to ask good questions is an art form. When done well it has incredible long-term success.
Pink (2009) highlights Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s concept of flow as an important part of helping someone connect to their own intrinsic motivation. It is known that when someone has autonomy, mastery, and purpose, they are more likely to reach a place of flow. When in flow, you are building on and connecting to intrinsic motivation.
Motivational Interviewing (MI) (2023) begins by calling out the root of the word “convince.” It has the same root as “conquer.” No wonder that when you try to convince or persuade someone, they are more likely to double down on their viewpoint (whether it is accurate). No one wants to be conquered. MI methodology leans on the fact that ambivalence is normal, change is non-linear, and readiness to change is not static. As someone employing MI, you are helping the individual sit with their ambivalence and then, like a guide, walking with them to find the change that matters to them. This is done through techniques in engaging, focusing, evoking, and planning. One of the important parts of MI is embracing the spirit of MI meaning you come from a place of partnership and empathetic listening.
This last weekend, I had my first opportunity to try some MI techniques as I tried to help increase intrinsic motivation and help with flow in others. I have been a high school Shakespeare competition coach for the last 6 years. This year, due to circumstances, I wasn’t as involved as I had been in the previous years. In the past, I was rehearsing with these students for 6 weeks. I often found myself trying to convince, persuade, inspire, and push kids to care about the different facets of performing Shakespeare. In my eagerness to help, I put on my “fixer” hat from the get-go and leaned into my expertise as the validation for my coaching. The problem with this is that I was using my own intrinsic motivation as a form of extrinsic motivation for the students. I wasn’t helping them find their own motivation for the scenes. Often, I’d get frustrated because the students wouldn’t remember notes, or they would do our suggestions and yet something about their delivery would be lackluster. I remember voicing out loud my frustrations and one of my other coaches used the fact that “the pre-frontal cortexes of teens aren’t fully formed so there’s nothing we could do.” However, that didn’t sit right with me. Yes, their brains are still growing, but I’ve seen high school kids pull off incredible things and so I don’t think the biology is the issue.
This year, I was only able to be a coach and helper for the final rehearsals right before they went to their competing rounds. If I were to jump in with my old tactics this year and try to “fix” all the problems in their scenes, I would only do more harm than good. It would serve to confuse them and undermine the work they had done so far. So, I chose a different approach and saw an opportunity to practice MI.
With each student, I started our session with “tell me about a part of your scene that you enjoy.” One student told me about a line she really loved. Another told me about a physicality moment. Yet another described how much she loved her character. My favorite was one who told me about the grapes they had used to bring a comedic element in for her character. With MI, I practiced reflecting back those statements to them. For instance, I said, “that line is a fun line. Shakespeare really has some of the best lines.” I still have room to grow on my reflection statements, but I found that sharing back with them things they’d already voiced helped us connect faster than when I would share what I loved about something. Additionally, in asking and reflecting, I found clues about the parts of the scenes I should stay away from criticizing, and they gave me an opportunity to praise the things they really cared about the most. In other words, I was being much more effective and efficient.
After we had engaged, I moved to some focusing skills with questions like, “is there a part of your scene that you struggle with or are worried about?” Once again, the answers varied widely. After responding, I asked if they would want to work on those parts with me (asking permission is a big MI skill that I need to practice more so that I don’t force my opinion or expertise on someone unwillingly). Most of the students were eager to tackle those parts and I found that leaning into what they cared about was a much more productive use of our time. The interesting thing is that I changed very little in terms of the scenes themselves. What was incredible though, was realizing that I was witnessing the students build their own confidence in the choices they were making and that built resilience to the inevitable criticism that was coming later because of the nature of a competition setting.
My first attempt at MI was clumsy at best, however, I already started seeing changes in myself and those I was trying to help. I found that embodying the MI spirit was changing how much I cared about the students I had worked with. Towards the end of the MI book, Miller and Rollnick note that often those who start to use MI feel an emotional burden lift. This is because instead of trying to constantly push, pull, force, or motivate a client to change, they are sitting in ambivalence with the client and helping them find the change themselves. I felt my own emotional burdens lifting this last weekend and I was surprised by the calm and peace I felt in helping. I wasn’t as frenzied as I have been in the past or as achievement focused. Instead, I felt grounded and calm. Ironically, the achievements came all on their own. Turns out this was a much more effective way of getting things done.
Finally, I took some time to talk with my friend who is the drama teacher of this group of kids and instead of going to him to share my opinions and thoughts (like I would have in the past), I simply asked him, “how are you feeling?” I watched as he took a breath, relaxed his shoulders, and shared the things on his mind. In that moment, I remembered how stressful it is to be the leader and to have everyone coming to you for decisions, advice, or to be heard, but how rarely we ask our leaders how they are doing. In that moment, I realized that all those years I thought I was helping him, maybe one of the best ways I could help was to be someone who wanted to listen to him.
Thanks for reading with me today. I hope you find some time to listen to someone near you today (and that you feel heard in return).
References
Miller, W. & Rollnick, S. (2023). Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change and Grow. The Guilford Press
Pink, D. (2009). Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. Penguin Audio