A Baptism, a Funeral, & a Wedding
My post this week is a day late. I’ve been dealing with some burnout relapse. I had almost forgotten the real physical toll that happens to my body when I try to do too much. The exhaustion settles in and it’s something that, try as I might, I cannot will away. I am forced to tend to my physical needs to recover. This is the residual effect of burnout that I’m not sure if I’ll ever truly heal from. It has taken me 5 days of rest and completing resilience discipline exercises to get back to a functional state.
Let me explain how I got there…
On Saturday, I went to a baptism, a funeral, and a wedding. I literally drove from one event to the next with no breaks. I’m glad that I went to each of these events, however, the emotional labor involved in each certainly drained me. One of the hardest aspects of burnout management that I’m still trying to figure out is how to manage my energy when there are events that are outside of my control. Did I know these three things would be happening on the same day? Originally, no. However, each was important enough that I did not want to miss them. And honestly, I’d do it again if I needed to.
There are many times, however, that simply because I think an event is urgent, or even if it just impending on my calendar, that I prioritize it over my energy management needs. I think it has been one of my most toxic traits over the years. I fail to take into account that not all events are equal in terms of meaning and purpose. Cal Newport touched on this in his book, “Slow Productivity.” He explains that busy-ness can be one of the most dangerous things to living a meaningful life because it distracts you from doing things that matter the most. To combat busy-ness, he suggests doing fewer things – and prioritizing meaningful things during those fewer things.
This is why, although I knew it would be a hit to my energy abilities, I’m glad I went to all three of those events on Saturday. Although I couldn’t force fewer things on Saturday, I knew all three events would be extremely meaningful for me. There is something really special that happens when people with shared experiences gather together for an acute event. We reflect, connect, and project at these types of events. We share memories, give advice, recognize accomplishments, and dare to dream. At the funeral, for instance, I saw individuals that I haven’t seen in years and yet when I saw them, I felt like I was coming home as these were seminal people from my childhood. On the flip side, however, the day was full of so many different emotions that although all were valuable and meaningful, I was completely drained afterward.
How do we mitigate that? When the situation feels out of our control, how do we prepare for the toll it takes? Do we just provide grace to ourselves and others?
With my family in town for the wedding, there were several more planned events in the following days. I had to excuse myself from some of them in an effort to recover. I’m not sure my family understood why I was opting out and I’ve yet to find good words for explaining it to them. (This is one of the many skills I’m working on to better manage my burnout recovery). To give context, the personalities in my family are naturally social. We also tend to seek novelty and suffer from major FOMO (fear of missing out). Rest is not something we’ve placed a whole lot of value on. Until last year, I was the same way. However, burnout has changed me. I crave a slower pace and want to save my energy for the things that really matter – mostly because I don’t have the same energy levels that I once did. It’s hard to share changes like that with others and I did it clumsily this time. However, I’m glad I tried.
I wish I knew where to land with all of these thoughts, but I don’t. (Maybe I can blame that on the exhaustion too?) What I do know is that moving too fast can take a toll in ways we may not expect. It’s ok to rest after big events – in fact, it’s a good idea to plan and prioritize those rest days. Maximizing time is something I once took great pride in. It’s a skill I honed over many years and the temptation to push my ability to put as much into as little time as possible is real for me. However, when the whirlwind of those events ends, I’m often left feeling empty and exhausted. Instead, I’m now trying to simplify how much I put into time so that I can enjoy things along the way instead of longing for things to end before I take stock of how it went. It’s a real mind shift for me, but one that I think is valuable. I’m tired of the hustle. I’m tired of rushing and pushing. I want to be someone who embraces peace, calm, and satisfaction. I think my first test will be giving myself the time and consistency it takes to make a lasting change.
Thanks for reading with me today. I hope you find some time to check in with yourself and slow down today.