Belay On!
When I was a kid, I was a rock-climbing enthusiast. I’m short and compact and this made climbing things easy and tempting. My mom chose to help me channel this enthusiasm and signed me up for a week-long rock-climbing camp at a local indoor quarry when I was 11. At camp, I learned about different types of climbing support…
First, there is bouldering. If you are bouldering, you do not wear a harness and there is no rope. You simply climb using your own body’s capabilities. At the quarry, there was a painted line that you were not allowed to climb above while bouldering because the risk of injury from a fall increased greatly after that point. Even then, slipping and falling to the mats below from any height was terrifying because the feeling of getting the wind knocked out of you is something that doesn’t leave easily. Bouldering was often our warm-up exercise. We used it to loosen up and build muscles. It also got us familiar with the different types of holds the climbing wall could present. However, we could only really move in a horizontal way. We would never be climbing to the tops of the highest walls in a bouldering situation.
When we were ready to move to the bigger challenges, we would use more intense forms of support. We would harness up and get a belayer. A belayer is someone who stands on the ground and holds the rope. The rope stretches from the belayer to the top of the wall and back down to your harness. The belayer shares the responsibility for your climbing success. Before you climb, it is crucial you communicate with your belayer through a series of commands. Before starting their climb, the climber says, “On belay?” and should wait until the belayer replies, “Belay on!” This means the belayer has removed the slack from the rope and is ready to catch you if you fall. Having a skilled belayer is crucial for climbing safely. If they have not taken care of the slack in the rope and you fall, you could fall to the ground or at least fall a significant distance and get injured.
Beyond that, because the belayer has greater perspective by standing away from the wall, they can often see more of the wall than you can and can give tips for getting up the wall easier. However, this takes skill and expertise.
My favorite belayer was our climbing coach. She was familiar with each of the climbing courses and could give me insights into different paths I could climb that were within my skill set. Additionally, she knew which paths would push me and could coach me through those moments. For instance, I remember a time I was on a course that had a gap between holds that was bigger than I was tall. I thought that for sure I wasn’t going to be able to finish that course. My coach however, directed me to one of the holds that she called a “jug.” She then talked me through grabbing the jug with both of my hands and told me to bring my feet just below the hand hold. She then explained that from there I could use momentum from stretching down and then springing up, swinging my arms behind me, to leap for the next jug hold above me. I still remember how hard my heart pounded and the smell of the chalk as I dusted my sweaty hands. However, I took a deep breath and gave it a try.
Thwack!
I didn’t make it. Luckily my coach was ready to catch me, and I didn’t fall. Instead, I found myself back at that jug handhold ready to try again. On the second try, I made it. I had officially jumped higher than my own body height to scale the gap and finish the course.
Later in the week, I had a campmate as my belayer. He was confident, but not nearly as competent. We started the course.
“On belay?”
“Belay on!”
I began climbing and he began shouting tips and directions. His information was confusing and a lot of the holds he thought would be “great,” ended up straining my muscles and wearing me out. He was confused why they were hard for me. Those were all of his favorite holds. What he hadn’t taken into account was that his lanky body was very different than my short compact one. Our different bodies meant that we had different resources available to tackle the wall.
It all came to a head, when he thought that I needed to jump for the next hold. I told him that I could go around it with a different path, but he was certain that the jump was what I needed. He told me that if I jumped, he would pull really hard and the rope would pull me up the rest of the way. Reluctantly I agreed and I tried it. I jumped.
There wasn’t a thwack this time. Just the sound of rushing air as I felt my momentum shift from lifting upward to rapidly falling downward.
He didn’t catch the slack and I fell. Not only that, but my fall was jarring enough that it pulled him off the ground as well. Within a matter of seconds, the quarry was filled with the screams of two pre-teens who were swinging and swaying about 5 feet off the ground, knocking into each other and into the wall with no idea of how to get grounded again.
These stories relate to how I feel about how we deal with stress and trauma.
Very often, we try to just go it alone as if we’re bouldering. There are skills that we can build when going it alone and we can get stronger on our own. However, we will move more horizontally than we will in an upward pattern.
From there, many of us turn to friends for support – or with the advent of social media, we turn to influencers online to teach us how to deal with our challenges. Turning to these individuals for support is like climbing with my campmate. Their directions may be valid for themselves, but they do not have the experience or expertise that our coach had. They have good intentions and usually a strong desire to be helpful. Sometimes the advice is good. However, sometimes it isn’t. And sometimes, it can even be harmful if you put all of your trust in them. For instance, my campmate thought that he could rescue me by pulling me up himself, but it ended up putting us both in a precarious position. The last thing you want is to be swinging away from your goals, bouncing off the wall, and smashing into and hurting others with no idea of how to get grounded again.
I’ve learned that a licensed therapist is the metaphorical equivalent to my climbing coach. The training and expertise a licensed therapist goes through gives them the ability to spot the challenges in your climbing journey. They are familiar with different tactics and techniques that they can tailor with you to make your climbing journey easier – or even just doable when it feels impossible. Lastly, they understand that although they can help and coach you, ultimately, you are the one that must do the climbing. They are there to catch you if you begin to fall, but they will challenge you to keep climbing before they let you back down.
I’ll never forget the satisfaction of ringing the bell at the top of a difficult climbing course. My arms and legs would feel wobbly and the exertion it took to get there only added to the satisfaction. Additionally, hearing the cheers from my coach back on the ground reminded me that although it was hard, I was never alone. She helped me get to the top by teaching me how to climb on my own.
If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out for help. There are many resources available now to find a great therapist. If you are struggling to find one locally, there are also many online certified agencies that can help. For instance, I used betterhelp.com to reach my therapist and I’m very glad I did so.
Thanks for joining me today. Best wishes and happy climbing.