Confessions of an Over-Achiever
I’ve always been a high achiever. My beliefs were that if I give my best, I can be proud of what I’ve done. This drive for doing things in the best or right ways has led to some cool awards throughout my lifetime. For instance, I was valedictorian of my undergraduate program, I held a local pageant title, I was the lead in the school play, I was nominated as a top employee amongst a global group of sister companies, I’m a mom of 3 kids, I have an award-winning garden, I founded a million-dollar company, and more. Honestly though, I get embarrassed when I list my achievements because I don’t do things for the recognition. I do it for the satisfaction of doing something really well. However, I’ve listed them here to exemplify what I thought was a simple math problem - do your best at all times and the rewards follow.
However, my math was wrong.
In the beginning of 2022, due to tech advances and the changing work environment, I knew that demand for my company's services was probably going to decline. I saw this as a new challenge that, with the right amount of grit and gumption, we could tackle.
In March of that year, however, we also found out that my mom had a brain tumor. My mom, the luckiest person I’ve ever known, was diagnosed with Stage 4 glioblastoma and was given a maximum of 18 months to live. Now, there was another goal for the year: find the best way to care for someone with terminal cancer.
For the next 14 months, we did so much right. At work, our speeches were praised, we created a new top-of-the-line course, our tradeshow booth literally sparkled, and our marketing materials were the best we’ve ever made. The people who worked for me were incredible because we added all these things on top of the regular efforts that had created our reputation for being the best in the business.
When it came to caring for my mom, my sisters and I juggled who could help when. We made sure Mom was never alone and that dad was given time to recharge. We checked and rechecked meds. We drove to medical appointments. We coordinated (and sometimes refereed) messages from mom’s friends. We danced in the kitchen and played pickle ball in the living room (Which playing pickle ball in the living room with a former national racquetball champion who has a tumor induced blind spot is hilarious). We messed with wigs, had a head-shaving party, had an ultimate family talent show, and participated in a joy mob. My mom described the time as “pure bliss.”
Yet, despite doing everything right and giving our all everyday, both my business’s sales and my mom’s health continued to decline.
The night before my mom went on hospice, I was holding out hope for one more sales proposal and it came back declined. It was then that I knew that once again our goals needed to change. Now, we needed to figure out the best way to hold a funeral and the best way to close a business with dignity.
2 weeks after that, on the day before Mother’s Day, we buried my mom. Her funeral was the most joyous day I’ve ever been a part of. It was full of laughter, inspiration, and strength.
2 months after that, after making sure my clients had new channels for support and my former employees had all landed with positions elsewhere, I sent my last invoice, and I finally sat down to rest.
But then I couldn’t get back up.
I tried to dig down deep inside to “pull energy out of my toes” like I had so many times before, but there was no energy left. I had officially spent it all.
My body was forcing me to admit that I wasn’t just burnt out. I was burnt to a crisp.
I was also confused. I was trying to figure out why, in this circumstance, when I had done so much good and so much right that this was my reward. All the other times, my efforts had been recognized with fantastic achievements. This time, I was stuck with an exhaustion so extreme that I wasn’t able to perform the basic functions of daily life. What happened? What did I do wrong?
I have spent the last two years healing, finding, and sharing the answer to that question. This is why I write, and this is why I teach. For those who are always striving to do their best, I see you and you are wonderful. Also, if you’re approaching burnout, I can help. There are ways to reduce stress without sacrificing success.
Thank you for reading with me and walking through my story today. I hope it’s given you some time to pause and think about where you may be pushing harder than necessary. It’s ok to go a little softer when things are hard. Your body is worth the rest.
P.S. If you want to know when I figured out “what I did wrong” check out my article on the Inverted U here