Direction vs Destination
As I sat at lunch with my mentor, Meg Wheatley, she challenged me to compose a list of the gifts I had received from God in the last year. This was different than the journaling challenges I’ve done in the past. You see, when she issued the challenge, I had been trying to talk through some of my struggles. To my surprise, her reaction to the description of my hardships was excitement. Instead of giving me consolation or pity, she was excited that I was learning and growing like I never had before. In fact, that learning had already begun-- I just had not acknowledged it yet. Instead of trying to get back to who I was before burnout, she is encouraging me to embrace the gifts of change that God is giving me through this experience.
One of my biggest gifts recently has been a change in perspective that focuses more on direction than on planned destination. Last year at this time, I had closed my business and was starting Grad school. For the last few months, I had heard one question over and over, “So, what’s next for you?” I was exhausted, weary, and heartbroken, and yet, people only wanted to know what my plans were for getting back on top. In not knowing what that plan was, I felt like a failure. I didn’t know what was next (in fact I still don’t), but I knew a direction. I knew that I was supposed to further my education. Even now, one of the questions I get asked most is, “What are you hoping to do with your education?” Guess what, I still don’t know.
I’ve learned that an obsession with destination and achievement is a huge part of what led me to burnout. This year has taught me that moving in a good direction without over setting expectations on the end goal has opened my mind and heart to the opportunities that God lays out for me. Sitting with this level of uncertainty is terrifying. All of my over-achieving tendencies are screaming at me that I’m ignoring the best practices of having SMART goals. How can I hope to achieve things if I’m not clear on where I’m going?! Isn’t the secret knowing and manifesting those destinations? I’ve learned my obsession with destination fits the warnings from a study we read in my stress class when we were learning about the dark side of coping.
Grant & Schwartz (2011) described an inverted U between the correlation of some helpful traits and their frequency. We want to believe that good things correlate in a positive straight line with wellbeing. Meaning the more I do that good thing, the better it is for me. However, that is not the case. Most things follow at least the law of diminishing returns and a few can be overdone in a way that they become harmful after a certain point. For example, optimism is considered a good thing for resilience up to a point. If we overdo optimism, however, it can be harmful. For instance, an overly optimistic person may be reckless by not preparing adequately for things because they believe it will “all just work out.” I believe that an obsession with achievement and destination is one of those traits that follows an inverted U. Yes, we need to have goals and be clear in our steps for pursuing them. However, getting so focused on the end game that you cannot pivot or are blind to unexpected opportunities is detrimental. Very few things work out exactly as we planned them. Which honestly, is a good thing. As my sister says, “God is not limited by our imaginations.” He can do so much more with our potential than we even know.
Last year, all I knew was that I was changing. There is no way I could have predicted where I am now. I am not the same person I was a year ago. Parts of me will always be the same, but I have changed, and it is a good thing. The only other time of my life when I have felt this amount of accelerated growth was when I first became a mom. If I had tried to determine my “what’s next” with precise clarity in either of those situations, I would have been limited by my own understanding at the time. As I am valuing direction over destination, I am honoring the potential for change while still moving forward and allowing space for my growth. As Meg reminded me more than once during our lunch conversation, we are not static beings. Don’t put yourself in a box. Keep your mind open to possibility. So, thank you Meg. This shift in my perspective is certainly an incredible gift born out of the last year.
Thank you for reading with me today. I hope you’re proud of the direction you are headed in.
Reference:
Grant, A. M., & Schwartz, B. (2011). Too Much of a Good Thing: The Challenge and Opportunity of the Inverted U. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 6(1), 61–76. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691610393523